Not black and white

Life is not black white
so you say
it's grey
Like the mist that sits on the motorway
a skid
a spin
a crash
graveside
Grey happy summer days
thoughts
doing no harm to anyone
only myself
that's okay
I sit pluck out my eye, rip it from it's socket
place it on the floor
Then I slowly saw my leg off
at the knee
harmless stuff
I'm so happy
I take a scapel from the tray
slowly
cut my belly button out
Place it by my leg and eye
ART
selfless happy art
I never liked the fingers on my left hand
I tuck the thumb under my palm
lift the small but heavy axe
thud
clean and painless
I smile as I place my fingers around the eye
looks great
I remember an artist
As I hook my blooded thumb and push my sticky palm against my head and pull my ear out and slice
like a master surgeon
harmless fun
I place the ear by the leg
And through my good eye I stare

It looks so strange
bits of me
me
on the floor
Happy I stand on my one leg
I unzip my pants
Grip my penis with my bloody hand and pull it out
bend
pick up a blade
happy harmless fun
hurting no one
I place the razor sharp metal against my skin
and push
it moves
I try again
different angle
it moves again
Now I wish I had not cut the fingers off so soon
I try again
It moves
I look around my vision poor
I pull my glasses from my pocket put them on
they fall off
I wish I had left the ear on.
I fall over
It's hard standing on one leg
Shit!
What have I done
It was all so..... gray when I started
But through my one eye it's
all so
black and white
I cannot see the phone to dial for help
I cannot get down the stairs I have no leg,
but I'm happy
So.....
I cut from chest to belly button
saw through my rib cage
remove a lung
and wrap my fingers around my beating heart
I pull it out
still beating
I see it beat
Then darkness
numb
cold
powerless
scared
Am I dead or dead happy
harmeless fun.
Hurting no one.
But me...